The Hearing

"So what you're telling us, Dr. Nichols, is that Jeff Zuckerson, the CEO of MetaTech, is not a psychopath?"

"That's correct, Senator."

"I want to be very clear about this. As you and I know, corporate CEOs are disproportionally more likely to have psychopathic tendencies. That's why we passed the PAP Act, that's why we set up this Congressional Committee: to subject all AI tech CEOs to rigorous psychological screenings, in order to ensure that under no circumstances, this dangerous AI technology could be under the control of a psychopath. And the reason we asked you, Dr. Nichols, to investigate Mr Zuckerson first, is that all of his public appearances, interviews and social media posts strongly suggested to us that he is, in fact, a psychopath. And now you're telling us he's not?"

"No, Senator. I've talked to Jeff, to Mr Zuckerson, on multiple occasions. I've had the opportunity to study him up close for months. I've been his constant companion during this time, traveling with him to destinations all over the world, attending both public and private events. My conclusion, based on my observations, is that Mr Zuckerson is as mentally healthy as you or me. In fact, and I hope you don't mind me saying this, in some ways, he seems to be mentally healthier than some members of this Committee. I've had a chance to observe all of you, as well, and I can't help but diagnose paranoid delusions in some of you."

"Dr. Nichols! How dare you--"

"Of course, this is just an impression. I'd have to examine the members of the Committee more closely before I render a final diagnosis. Which of course I would be more than willing to do."

Before he could do any more damage, Dr. Nichols was excused. He headed for the exit and rushed down the steps of the Capitol Building, all the while dodging cameramen and journalists shouting at him, got into the brand new Lamborghini, and told the driver to get to the airport. He had a private jet waiting to take him to a tropical paradise.